Rat Diseases and Other Light Bedtime Reading, Courtesy of Google

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There is a very funny post up on Abandoning Pretense about all the crazy things that run through your mind when you should be sleeping. I, too, am a nighttime worrier. Well, I’m an all-the-time worrier, but the worry becomes more pronounced after 9 p.m.

I don’t tend to worry too much about zombies and aliens, not with my killer cats around (snort). Instead I tend to obsess about little things that barely even registered as being “things” in the light of day.

For instance. I told you all about what I will euphemistically refer to as the noise in our wall. When it happened at 6:45 p.m., I was feeling sort of sad for whatever was stuck in there. After putting the kids to bed, I put those thoughts on the back burner. But as soon as I got into bed, I started googling. And things devolved quickly.

9:30 p.m. “Rescuing animals stuck in wall”

9:32 p.m. “How can you tell if it’s a rodent in your wall”

9:34 p.m. “How many babies do mice have a year”

9:35 p.m. “Do mice really have 40 babies a year”

9:37 p.m. “How many diseases do mice have”

9:39 p.m. “How many diseases do rats have”

9:41 p.m. “Excessive tiredness and rat transmitted illness”

9:43 p.m. “Prognosis for Leptospirosis”

9:45 p.m. “Animal in wall odor”

9:46 p.m. “24 hour Portland exterminators”

My worrying and googling hit an all-time peak with my first pregnancy, before I realized FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, NEVER ASK A QUESTION ON A PREGNANCY CHAT GROUP. Whatever symptom you have, someone is going to tell you some version of “I hate to say this, but you should definitely see someone right away. Like now.” I still remember when someone – not me thank goodness – asked the chat group what she should do because she accidentally dropped her iPhone on her pregnant belly. (I swear, it really wasn’t me. Though if it had happened after 9:30 p.m. it totally could have been.) And while most people assured her she would be fine, there were still some of those sneaky, vicious ladies who warned of all sorts of calamities.

Rat googling aside, I have gotten better about laying off the google. I can think of very few times it has actually made me feel either better or more knowledgeable, and I try to remember that before going down the rabbit hole of arcane disease trivia. Where my kids are concerned, I try never to google anymore – either calling the doctor or, if I’m really desperate, asking a friend to google for me. And with the occasional googling of “irregular moles” (and I guess rat diseases), I try to lay off it where my own health is concerned as well.

But that doesn’t stop the useless worries that come at night, big and small. And to that end, whoever told me the stat that in an average person’s life, eight spiders will climb into your mouth while you are sleeping – you suck. Also now I need to google to see if that’s true. And hey you know what – it’s not! Yay google, it finally worked!

Also can I just add – I find it very amusing that if you type in “how many spiders go” it auto=suggests “in your mouth at night.” At least I’m not the only one.

8 responses to “Rat Diseases and Other Light Bedtime Reading, Courtesy of Google

  1. This made me laugh so much! I’d also add that 9 times out of 10 you should not ask Facebook moms groups about your child’s health. That’s what nurse advice lines are for!

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  2. I am also a night-time worrier. Thank you for clearing that up about the spiders! It’s good to know that they would rather leave us alone. That will help me rest easier tonight for sure!

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  3. Bahaha… I can relate to the pregnant lady chat room. My first pregnancy I was obsessed with forums and looking up questions. This pregnancy I have googled a LOT less. I too am an ultimate worrier… I hope that my resistance to googling symptoms will continue for the next 6 months!

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  4. Hahaha! This is awesome. I’ve had google searches just like this too. I know I’ve heard my kids say “google is really smart.” It’s a pretty cool tool for the billion questions we get as parents. 🙂

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